From Shy to Leadership

Our 1st Bone Marrow Drive!

So, I think I  mentioned it before, but I have started an organization here  at my college. It's called Gators for Sickle  Cell Warriors. I have seriously put most of my attention to it, in fact this is testing my ability to be able to juggle between school projects, assignments, and this organization. It's not easy to be the President (right, Obama?) . I mean being the shy kid all my life I was never elected or even thought to run for anything for student government, let alone the big, bad president position. However, I felt there was a calling for me to do this.

I remember back in high school, looking for a way to feel understood about my illness I ran upon a blog post on sicklecellwarriors.com, The author, Tosin, recalled  her experience of hiding  her sickle cell while in college. She ran into another student who was president of sickle cell chapter in her district, she ran into someone who was unashamed about her illness. It was that moment I questioned why  I was.

From then on, I dreamed that moment would happen to me. Alas, I go to a predominately white university. So not  finding a sickle cell organization at my school wasn't too surprising( although, there are over a hundred organizations to list as of date). That's when I decided that I would just start my own, so in the beginning of the year my plans came to effect, but once I started my anxieties grew.

How do I get people to come to our GBMs? How do  I get my officers to do their job, without being "harsh"? How do we get sponsors?  Create efficient events? Can I still do this?  These were some of the questions I've (and still) asked myself. I have sacrificed my money, fun, sanity, studying, and time for this organization. I'm not saying one should, but I have definitely done more than   I should have at times.

You gotta promote! 

The organization is not where I want it to be as of now, but it has greatly improved. When I look back at the students registering and getting there mouths swabbed to be in the bone marrow registry, or coming back with  exact change to buy one of our handmade bracelets a for Gators for Sickle Cell Warriors, it makes all the stress worth it.

Now I'm m going to get a bit sentimental here, so bare with me! Before this organization, I was truly lost. I did things and I was good at them but it didn't drive me. No enthusiasm, no spark...everyday was just a  continuous blank page  I flipped through endlessly. Maybe a few pictures here or there, but   I would always get back to that blank page.

However, when I am working with Gators for Sickle Cell Warriors, I realize my passion. I want to work hard for the unheard, and the weak. Now us sickle cell warriors are not weak, but I'd be lying if I said they weren't enough advocacy going on for us.

How to Be Confident with Jaundice Eyes

I write this article on a bad day. I have sickle cell as I've stated before and with all the emotional and physical pain that comes along with it jaundice is one of the consistent problems I have. Today I came in late for class and missed a much needed quiz to boost up my grade, I encountered two of my classmates avoiding me despite the fact that I was just walking like everyone else and had no intentions of talking to them anyway. In addition to that, I forgot my money to buy sushi, an energy drink and embarrassingly walked out of the store  with my lunch left behind at the counter. I know these all seem trivial compared to the  chaos that goes on in the world.

However these mishaps seemed to flood my mind as  I drove back home. So when I hopped on my laptop in my room and searched "how to be confident with jaundice eyes, " I was looking for reassurance.  There needed to be  something to kick me out of the funk, to know that everything would be okay, and yet I got nothing. The same emotion that surrounds my inner thoughts come attacking. It's the same disappointing feeling I get when I Google "makeup for jaundice eyes," or dare I type "how to cure jaundice".

I've been dealing with this tug of war since  middle school. When will I just accept my fate? I know that my  life wouldn't drastically change if I woke up suddenly with milky white eyes. However, it would be nice to be able to look at someone in the eye, without awkwardly looking away. Or have someone understand how you feel.

This is just me being dramatic I assume, I mean I know about the man with no arms and legs who just got married and now has a child. However, sometimes I can't help but to think these stressful reminders. In our world, we often ban this thinking as  if it were a selfish thing to do: talking about your problems.

Yes, I write this article on a bad day. So, maybe tomorrow I will feel differently, maybe tomorrow won't be as awful. That's how I have to think to get through this life.

Music Monday: I Am Not My Hair

I recently "big chopped" last week! It was supposed to be after celebrating my two year transition, but that got cut short to 21 months. After taking out my twists I attempted to do a braid out which turned out to be really greasy ( seriously I had to keep going to the bathroom during church to dab away the oil). The style also didn't last too long as it became increasingly  apparent of the two different textures. So, I grabbed my scissors and clipped away. Now I am so happy with my hair do, and it's so much easier to maintain. I will post up a video of my "big chop" soon, but in the meanwhile listen to some India Arie (I know,I know)!