How to Be Confident with Jaundice Eyes

I write this article on a bad day. I have sickle cell as I've stated before and with all the emotional and physical pain that comes along with it jaundice is one of the consistent problems I have. Today I came in late for class and missed a much needed quiz to boost up my grade, I encountered two of my classmates avoiding me despite the fact that I was just walking like everyone else and had no intentions of talking to them anyway. In addition to that, I forgot my money to buy sushi, an energy drink and embarrassingly walked out of the store  with my lunch left behind at the counter. I know these all seem trivial compared to the  chaos that goes on in the world.

However these mishaps seemed to flood my mind as  I drove back home. So when I hopped on my laptop in my room and searched "how to be confident with jaundice eyes, " I was looking for reassurance.  There needed to be  something to kick me out of the funk, to know that everything would be okay, and yet I got nothing. The same emotion that surrounds my inner thoughts come attacking. It's the same disappointing feeling I get when I Google "makeup for jaundice eyes," or dare I type "how to cure jaundice".

I've been dealing with this tug of war since  middle school. When will I just accept my fate? I know that my  life wouldn't drastically change if I woke up suddenly with milky white eyes. However, it would be nice to be able to look at someone in the eye, without awkwardly looking away. Or have someone understand how you feel.

This is just me being dramatic I assume, I mean I know about the man with no arms and legs who just got married and now has a child. However, sometimes I can't help but to think these stressful reminders. In our world, we often ban this thinking as  if it were a selfish thing to do: talking about your problems.

Yes, I write this article on a bad day. So, maybe tomorrow I will feel differently, maybe tomorrow won't be as awful. That's how I have to think to get through this life.