I Can Rest Only For a Moment, For With Freedom Come Responsibilities, and I Dare Not Linger, For My Long Walk Is Not Yet Ended

     
                                                                 
                                                                              

     
        Hey guys! Did anyone enjoy there Halloween? I know I'm in college but I didn't go to any of the wild  parties that seemed to be portrayed on Facebook. I just did my homework, and patiently waited until midnight to start writing for NaNoWriMo! I know, it's crazy! I signed up for it years ago, but never really participated at all. I don't know if I will be able to write 50,000 words in one month, but we'll see!

     That was suppose to be the beginning of this post when I wrote it, back in November (and know I did not write 50,000 words in one month). However, the unexpected came along and I was in the hospital for the whole of November. Now it's December and just recently a devastating thing had happened. Nelson Mandela passed away. Nelson Mandela was the person I looked up to, among many preliminary figures, and essentially my hero. Even though he was a 95 year old man with health issues, his death  shocked me and the world. Therefore, this post is now dedicated to him!

     He is one of the few (sadly) who fought with everything they had for his own people, and that should never be forgotten. When I started this post back in November, I was suppose to just update everyone about college life and all that jazz. The main focus was me starting a sickle cell club.

    Since the beginning of the school year, I have been thinking about starting this club.I hope to get everything ready for next year, and just work on this project like I've given birth to it. A lot of people do not know about this illness, so I'm hoping my club will bring those who do not know anything about sickle cell disease. With further knowledge, there will be more pressure into finding something that cure everyone with sickle cell disease.


    I know about the bone marrow transplant, but that doesn't work for all patients. It's like when Nelson Mandela, who wasn't even originally from South Africa, saw the mistreatment of black people there and did something about it. He could have lived somewhere else to be free and ignored the issues, but he didn't.

   There not only needs to be a more efficient cure for this illness, but there has to be enough doctors to know well enough about treating this illness. With my recent appointment with my hematologist, I sometimes feel like these doctors do not know what they are doing at all. In this day in age it's sad to say but there is just not enough good doctors.
 
   Just like Nelson, I am willing to fight for this illness so that no one has to suffer from it in the future. Maybe someday sickle cell would be like what polio is now  in the US. It's sounds crazy now, but I like to dream BIG! I mean Nelson was deemed crazy and a terrorist for wanting the black people in South Africa to be treated equally, and then he became president of their nation!

    I just want to thank Nelson Mandela and all the freedom fighters for inspiring me so much. For I wouldn't dream as BIG! This club is the first step!

   

Facing the Unexpected

                                                   


   I am writing today in pain and fatigue! I haven't written a blogpost in a month! In fact, I haven't been able to finish NaNoWriMo, darn you 50,000 words!  My absence hasn't just been in the blog world and silly novel competitions, but also in school! No, I didn't have a mental breakdown (although college can do that!) But similar to a mental breakdown, it was out of my control.

    At the beginning of the month, I found myself having nurses pierce through my skin in search for that perfect vein, and afterwards seen by numerous doctors in their white coats trying to figure out what ailment had taken over me. All the while confined inside the white walls and with my deprived body depending on IV drips! Lol! I hope you liked my dramatic take on the situation, it makes up for missing NaNoWriMo!


    However, in all seriousnes, I was hospitalized for an entire month, which had never happened to me before(I think!). Anyway, first it was the flu, then it was pneumonia, next it was acute chest syndrome, and finally a vascular necrosis ( where the bones dissolve)  in my hips. It was treacherous for me, mostly because I hate hospitals, the particular one I went to was the worst of all, and I hate missing school! I mean they performed surgery on the patient rooming with me at three AM while I was trying to sleep!


  Anyway, being in the hospital all month meant I didn't have much control over much of  the things I planned, like finishing the semester for example. And like I've said before, you can't always control everything. Which was hard for me to grasp last month. But it's a new month now, I'm no longer in the hospital and I am ready to continue on with my life and finish my goals!  Besides there a people in the hospital who are there much longer, who practically live there, and I am blessed enough to have left that horrid place!

Catching Up: Helping Out the Community & Strutting On the Catwalk

                                                       

                                                             
   Hey everyone!  I haven't been able to post due to being in college, and having to take exams! I know crazy, right? Besides studying, I have been able to get out of my bed and do something for once! Some really important events that happened was that I got involved in a sickle cell 2k walk, and I got to put on my high heels on, smize and strut on the catwalk. 

  I have said before that I have sickle cell disease. While it has been very hard having to deal with sickle cell, I will not allow myself to be a victim or have people feel sorry for me. But instead to spread awareness  of a very debilitating illness.

  A few weeks ago, I was able to go to a sickle cell 2k walk. I did arrive late to the festivities, but I was able to make it just in time for the Barbeque and some soul inducing music (90s music is the best music). As everyone knows I am shy, so it was a bit nerve wrecking to come into a group of strangers. I had asked a few of my friends to come with me, but everyone was busy or sleeping (It was at 8 AM on a Saturday).

  I felt that eyes were on me, but I locked up the tension away, and introduced myself to people and even got the courage to take pictures of some of them. I met sickle cell warriors young and old ( the oldest being 64 I think) which is great, since most warriors have been told they can't live past fifty. Here are some photos:

          

      

    Overall, this was an important event for me not because of the great cause I am supporting, but also because I was able to meet sickle cell warriors my age. I never really had friends that share the same struggles that come along with sickle cell. So it was nice to meet a guy who when I looked into his eyes also have jaundice, the stamp that marks the appearance of sickle cell, and a girl who attends the same college as me and is in a happy relationship.

   The event gave me hope, and it was something that I really needed. Speaking of hope, another important event happened yesterday. A friend of mine is on the fashion committee here at school, and asked me to audition for a fashion show. After making it through the audition, I was selected to be one of the few models for the show. The whole auditioning process was like America's Next Top Model!

   After a few rehearsals, the big day arrived. I was really nervous, but after my makeup and hair was done and I was fit into a dress by the great  designer Raya Kassisieh, that only me and one other girl could fit in, I was ready to put my Naomi Campbell on (whatever that means).  And guess what? I didn't fall, which is great because those were some of the tallest shoes I had ever worn.


                             

         

     When that was done, I soon went into the audience to find my friends and hang out with them, and to my surprise my mother had came to see me. It was nice to chill out with my friends after all the chaos backstage. Literally, a model was dragged on stage with her shirt unbuttoned and  turned sideways. However, the chaos paid off because it felt like I was in New York's Fashion Week and Anna Wintour was sitting in front row.

                                       
   The fashion show was an important event because the morning of , I was very sad and I kept feeling bad about myself, nothing positive was coming into my mind. It just felt like I was carrying a heavy fog around my head. But when I was able to laugh and eat with my friends that night, it seemed to help a lot. Now I'm ready to take on whatever circumstances that happen, and hope that I can just be positive no matter what...after I finish studying!

Pink Hair!

Fierce!  source: http://prettyblackpastel.tumblr.com

   I am thinking of dying my hair pink, a purplish pink.I have been transitioning for 15 months now, and if I were to big chop my hair it will be dyed pink. I was thinking about it once I stepped into the steamy shower this morning, while droplets of water were beating my skin.

    I instantly thought of myself dancing in one of those edgy commercials where the product is  skinny jeans, and I am surrounding by tall, gorgeous people dancing to rock music. My hair sways to the left than to the right. My painted lips snarling here and there, and I just don't care anymore. No more worrying about what others think of me, or slaving to others expectations.
 
      It's just me and my pink hair, studded stilettos,punk shades and my punk attitude. People wouldn't know what to do with me anymore, they'd think I lost my marbles. In response I would get a septic nose ring and tattoo my knuckles.

     Two years ago, I craved for red hair a year afterwards it was blonde. The most I've ever done to my hair was have a burgundy gloss. Inside my habitual crevice, my hair was the same black color since birth, but out into the sunlight  my hair grew into a red aura.

    When I hopped outside of the shower and changed into my jeans and t-shirt, I felt uncomfortable. I sat in my chair unsure what my next move would be. My thoughts changing as fast as a nerve synapse.  Staring at my laptop, I wondered if this draining sensation would  scratch away if I finally did what I wanted to for a change.

From Vacay to School Days

     Hey everyone, I haven't posted in a long time! As most might know school season has started! Yay? As posted, I recently transferred  schools hours away from my home. I moved into my new apartment where I have two roommates who are both freshman.  At first it was a good bonding experience when they invited me to dance the night away, but later on their niceness was misunderstood and now  things are quite awkward around here.

      As for school, my classes are okay so far but I already have exams in two weeks! I hope I can excel in them, my biopsychology and statistic courses I will need to work hard on, but yeah it's alot different from a local college that's for sure.

    However, I am doing something I thought I would have a hard time doing--making friends. I am introverted as it has been established, but I also have a sprinkle of shyness mixed in me. It's hard sometimes especially being a transfer student where everyone in  your year has already created friendships. My advice although, it seems cliche, is to talk to people. Have a question?  Ask that person seated next to you. Most likely they won't ignore you, and then you can start asking them what their major is, their year, talk about events, ect. This information won't guarantee a connection but at least you'll start somewhere.

   I did this in my biopsychology class and now I have made a friend, and that friend has introduced me to her friends--sooner or later I've gotten  invited to parties and outings.  While this is has been a blessing as I have prayed on it before, be careful on what you wished for. Going out and having fun is amaze balls, but in college there needs to be a balance between work and play.

  For example, because there isn't homework assigned (except for my Statisitics class) I haven't been studying as much for my classes, and now I have exams in two weeks. So don't be afraid to decline an invitation, for those who are in college.   Speaking of partying, here is a few pictures and videos of my first three weeks here at my new school.

It's crowded up in here!

Group picture after a Hispanic Student Association Event!

Rice and beans mmmm!

Salsa night!

Me after church!

Labor day outing at the Springs!

My first time here!

 

 

                               The Sabor Latino Dance Team performed at the HSA event! Fiiire!


SO yeah that is the summary of my few weeks being here! College can be fun, and not all about cramming for exams! Right? Isn't that what life should be about?  Anyway, I'll be posting more about events going around while I'm here in college. Until then, see you later! 

New School, New You?

                                           

Source: silodrome.com

    Every year as summer goes back into hibernation and Fall peaks out from under its covers, I dream that things will change for the better. However that feeling of expectation is similar to the dreadful sensation of making a New Year resolution. I shout to the universe my requests of having  more friends, more social outings, dates, ect. Instead, I find myself repeating the same year (insert emoticon).

      I am going to a new school, a huge new school and I am terrified. Terrified of failing to the point that I might have panic attacks. Usually at this point of time, I would be meticulously making lists of things to buy, making up a skin care routine, and practicing my conversation skills in front of the mirror. This time around, however, I figure what's the point? Those things don't change who I am, and no matter how old I get, or where I live. I will continuously be surrounded by the same life situations.

                                                         

It's that time of the year, again...

      It's just life. I think what I had been doing wrong this entire time was expecting for my surroundings to change, new school, new change. But that's not how it works. The world isn't perfect, no matter how much of a good person I think I am. Life has it's setbacks, I just have to put my metal armor on and deal with it. It comes with growing up I guess, and now that I've realized it maybe I can start to change.

    Maybe, with less expectations I won't get depressed? No, I just can't do that. I am a dreamer, there's not a second that goes by where I don't close my eyes and fantasize a paradise surrounded by a pink fuzzy haze . I cannot let Life tell me what to do, instead I must tell Life what it will do. And to show Life that I am being serious, I will compile a list of things to remind my self throughout the year.


17 Things to Remind Myself Throughout the Year! 

• Tell yourself affirmative words.
• Smile, even when you don't want to.
• Make your own crowd, don't follow.
• Talk to more people, humans aren't as scary as they seem.
• Speak up more, you have interesting things to say.
• Ask for help! 
• Write more, it's therapeutic. 
• Join lots of clubs and activities to keep yourself from drowning in school work.
• Don't beat yourself up too much.
• Read a lot more self-help books. 
• Don't compare yourself to anyone.
• Realize you are more than your mistakes, continue to count your blessings!
• Hang out with people who respect you.
• Continue to build up your strengths.
• Don't just wallow in bed (unless reading a good book) do something you love.
• Take a break, and take care of your health.
• Keep blogging! 

   Here is my list of seventeen things to remind myself throughout the year. Basically I am changing my outtake and not necessarily all of the situations this year...we'll see how that goes.  Any suggestions? They're welcomed! 

Transitioning: Wash day!!

Source: blackgirllonghair.com

     So I have been transitioning my hair from relaxed to natural for  thirteen months! Yeah! Whoo hoo!  It hasn't been easy at all. I laughed, I cried, I laughed some more, but here I am now! What has changed the most (besides my hair texture) is my hair routine. For the past year I have been changing up my hair routine, to see what works best , and the routine I currently have makes my hair so soft!!

    So this is my hair before I wash it. It was an old braid out that's dirty and dry.

I decided to deep condition my hair before I wash it, which is something i have never really done before. I lightly damped my hair and detangled it thoroughly, then I put my hair into four braids while I condition them. 

Putting my dry hair into four parts.

 

Here's my hair wet, you can see the stringy ends attached. And my hair is like a reddish brown due to the henna.

      

                                                 
                                                                           

              I used the Shea Moisture' s Deep Treatment Mask and I added some Jamaican castor oil I got from a Caribbean market to it.  I think I got ripped off, because the bottle is the size of my palm and it costs $ 3.99!  Anyway, since it was late at night and I was tired, I decided to deep condition over night. However, I wouldn't do nightly deep conditions in the future because it can weaken the hair and cause it to break easily. 

    Next, I woke up the next morning, and I washed out my hair still in the four braids (but made it looser) with Kera Pro Restorative shampoo. It has sulfates, so choose another Shampoo that is sulfate free like Tresemee! 

 

       I then dry my hair with an old t-shirt and let it air dry. Usually I plan my wash days on days I have nowhere to  go, therefore I can just read and wait until my hair is  dry and ready to style. To stretch it I will moisturise with a leave-in conditioner and then braid my hair.  

   The number of braids depends on what I feel like, whether it's four braids, sixteen braids, cornrows, whatever! Then I will put some rollers at the end of my hair because I am transitioning, and keep it in for six hours or until the next morning to reveal the pleasant surprise my hair has undertaken.

So here are the (usual) results. And I love it, because it's fun, flirty, and soft to the touch.