Gaining weight!

 

My body now! Pic kinda blurry, sorry!

   Okay, so I have complained about being too skinny before in previous posts. So, I figure I should adhere to Maya Angelou's quote, "If you don't like something, change it. If you can't change it, change your attitude". Well, I'm going to try my best to gain weight. Now, this won't be the first time I've tried to gain weight, it will be the hundredth time. I have been trying to gain weight since I've heard the words, you're so skinny! So since I was eight I have been stuffing my face with  junk food so I can gain weight, and guess what? It did --in my stomach! Therefore, I looked pregnant according to my little sister.

   Now,  if anyone that's reading this  is trying to lose weight don't roll your eyes, if you haven't already! Being skinny is no fun, people would literally laugh at me like I'm a clown during a circus performance. Shopping is often a disaster, especially finding jeans to fit me perfectly. I remember when I was in middle school and I went  back-to-school shopping with my mom. My mother asked the worker at a store in the mall if they carried my size. The woman looked me up and down shaking her head profusely and said, "Oh, no!" and turned around. I wanted to leave the store immediately as I was humiliated.
 
   Before I would try to gain weight by eating more, doing exercises that help gain muscle, but I often would quit  if I didn't see results or I was tired of it. Now, I am committed to my exercise regime and diet for this entire summer. I exercise on alternate days and eat more calories than I do now by drinking weight gain drinks, like Boost or Ensure. I am not going to give up, because I believe that there is a possibility of changing my weight so I'm no longer known as that skinny girl.

  I also go on youtube for some advice, and i subscribed to Bootynomics. She  used to be a skinny girl and now is overall just a voluptuous beauty. Here's a few videos:

   I'll probably never look this girl, I mean anything can happen, but the point is to challenge myself. Going on this journey I am exercising and eating healthy, which is great for my health,  regardless of the physical attributes I feign for. What I really want to gain is confidence and like Ruby Dee once said, "The kind of beauty I want most is the hard to get kind that comes from within--strength, courage and dignity".

Loner's Club!

  

Source: nyulocal.com

           

     Aaah! The weekend is almost over and I just had so much fun dancing at the clubs, getting high on powdery substances I'm too afraid to ask about,  and hooking up with cute strangers YAAASSS! The life of a woman in her twenties living it up!! Yeah, and who saw through that pile of bullcrap ('scuse my language). Anyway, my weekend consisted of reading Mama Day by Gloria Naylor ( a great read by the way!), watching Scandal on Netflix, taking a walk in a "safe" neighborhood, bothering my little sister, and enjoying not having any homework to do.

    I know I am not living the fast life, and some part of me wishes I do. I watch shows like The Jersey Shore and the ratchetness of VH1 (don't judge me!) and sometimes I just wish that I were popping off bottles  at the club, if that is the right term. It's not like I've never been to a club, I remember going downtown to the club life with a couple of friends and it wasn't so much fun if any at all. People are dancing and drunk if you're at the age of drinking (which I'm not) and other people are standing in the corner, kind of like school dances. Otherwise, it wasn't really fun especially when it's so loud you can't hear anyone let alone your own voice.

   I'm a quiet person and while people my age are learning the way through the clubs, I am trying to learn how to crochet a hat. I guess I just don't want to look back at this stage in my life and say to myself, "Man! I should have done something!" However, the matter of fact is that I do accomplish something everyday, heck I wake up everyday ain't that some thing! Maybe because school is over I am wondering what I should do now. Maybe cuddling to books is a needed relaxation and I don't need to worry about what everyone else is doing with themselves. Like what my mom always says, "worry about your own". So that's what  I'll try to do for now, but it's hard when society shoves down your throat  a book of rules that one must comply to.

  But yeah, if anyone wants to join the Loner's Club there's  a $5.00 membership fee, and we meet on the weekends where it consists of us not conforming to what society thinks us youngins should do.

  

Life blog: Life isn't always what you plan--Seriously!

Source: www.hugloo.com/poem-on-life-oh-my-life/

  School has not always been the best for me. I was teased and bullied a lot, as we all know when you
stand out like  I did (super tall and super skinny) you tend to be outcasted. So when college decisions came about I really did not want to attend. I instead sought  for something else---modeling! I never in my wildest dreams thought I could be a model, models look like Tyra Banks and Cindy Crawford not curve-less ladies like myself. But soon people kept telling me I should model, and after school instead of looking at colleges online my mouse wandered over to local modeling agencies and fashion blogs. I would practice my walk and poses striving to be the next Chanel Iman or Jourdan Dunn. But what  I really wanted was to fit in, I heard stories of the awkward lanky girl suddenly becoming the next Giselle overnight and I wanted that to be desperately me. To come into school and laugh at all those who teased me for my looks and say "Hah! What now!" Well my senior year was almost up, and after not getting signed to any modeling agencies I discovered that I needed to go somewhere. I DID NOT want to stay in my town, where for years I felt miserable I wanted to live in NYC, the city of freaks, so I can fit in somewhere because I need to fit in somewhere! So the only school that I got accepted to was SCAD, I thought, "hey, they're artsy kids like myself, it's not NYC, but hey maybe I'll fit in, why not?" WRONG! I was miserable and was teased and bullied worse than in high school. I was also more hospitalized,  had more sickle cell crisis, and a cop had hit and tarnished my car to death.

        After a year I had to leave to save my sanity and enrolled in my hometown's local college much to my dismay. However, I did much better I got into the Dean's list several times ( President's list twice), joined my literary magazine,  I am transferring to either the Univesity of Florida or the University of Miami (the top colleges in my state), and I finished my last term with straight As.











  I am not a fashion model traveling around the world,  and living it up in NYC but I still am living my life. People still make fun of me whether or not I am on campus or shopping for groceries, but whether I was a fashion model or a college student wouldn't make so much of  a difference with my daily interactions of others. Haters 'gon hate! Basically, the good things in life don't always  come from where you are, where you live, what your job is but who you are as a person.

While being a beautiful fashion model sounds tempting ( and who knows, I'm still young maybe I still have a chance), there are horror stories of eating disorders, cramped model apartments, short career, being away from loved ones, the list goes on. I can still live my dreams, I can still travel, live in NYC, and while fitting in isn't at the top of my list right now, there could be a group of people that will accept me for the dorky, skinny, "freak" that I am.

    Just remember, there is always someone who wishes they where you and is doing worse than you. You may have a plan for your life, but God has a better plan for you always!

Henna: My Experience As a Transitioner!

The back of my henna'd head!

                                                

   So I have stated before that I am going  natural and that I was going to do a henna post, well here it is! I heard of hennaing natural hair before, and the purpose of it for natural hair is to naturally dye hair is (only works if your hair is not black or dark brown), give shine,  stronger and thicker hair, and some believe it can loosen the hair texture. I wanted all of the above but was hesitant to do henna because, like most natural hair blogs I researched henna from, the "henna experiment" was done on fully natural hair and not on transitioning hair. 

   So I went on youtube and I found one transitioner who henna'd and it's pretty much the same thing! Also everyone can henna their hair no matter what race. So I went to my local Indian store which is an hour away, and I got whatever henna there was 'cause I trust the store to bring me the good stuff. The henna I bought is called Reshma Henna, and it looks like this:

                                                   

  Yep, anyway the henna process is a long one that's why I'm planning on doing it once a month to see the benefits. I tried the application after Christmas and my hair kind of had a looser texture but not really, and it was softer, but what I like the most was that my hair was easier to detangle and I could literally put my fingers through my hair after being out of the shower which never happened before. The cons of the henna application is that it is a long process ( I would say from setting the henna before applying to rinsing out the henna it is about a total of 12 hours!), and it is very hard to rinse out so don't expect it all to rinse out after washing it once.

   I was also warned of the application being messy, but there really wasn't too much of a mess when applying, just that when I slept overnight with it in my hair my bedsheets were stained (oops!). I also didn't get to play much with my hair this month to fully embrace my newly henna'd hair. The reason was beacuse my hair was in cornrows and under a wig for protective styling. Overall, I like it so far and will continue applying it once a month to see better results. Here's me rocking the henna:

My hair now at seven months of transitioning (no product):

  P.S - Henna can be drying to your hair, so I wouldn't suggest using lemons or ACV when mixing in the henna.I instead  used brewed tea and olive oil!

Pamper Yourself, Dahling!

  
                                  


     Now that Christmas break is over, and I am instantly swamped with a butt load of coursework, I have to remember to pace myself while making sure to get things done. In our ever-changing fast world we find ourselves to be cramped up with so much work, like doing errands, homework, whatever people do at jobs ('cause I wouldn't know in this economy), cleaning, volunteering, and so forth. It is very important to just take a break and to not overdo these requirements  because you may end up in the hospital with IV fluids running through your veins (no joke). Seriously, when we pamper ourselves we acknowledge the fact that we care about ourselves more than anyone else, which isn't as bad as it sounds, because in the end every single choice we make should benefit us in some way.

   You don't have to go to some five-star hotel and order the most expensive spa package  there is, it would be nice though, but it could just be going to the beach, reading a good book, painting your nails, writing a good story, writing a bad story, eating your favorite dish, basically anything that you like to do for fun. You see today while I was running around and doing my errands, I stopped by at Red Mango and you know I got me a nice, tasty Mango Mandarin smoothie. I also decided to paint my nails my favorite color: purple!

Ignore the bad paint job.

 

 

 

       Honestly, doing these simple pleasures makes me feel a lot better and takes a whole load of stress weighing on top of my shoulder blades. Also, it only takes about five minutes to do some of the things I like to do to pamper myself. In addition, let's just all breathe in and then breathe out whenever we feel stressed, just to know that we are still alive  and how much of a blessing that really is.

Eating Healthy Plus Healthy Sites!

Mmmm...!

                               
                            

                I am doing weekly posts now that school is back on. Anyway, we all have heard that beauty is in the inside. Well then it is important to put good things inside our body, and eating healthy  is  the key. Having sickle cell it is important for me to eat fresh foods to help my body produce healthy blood cells. However, you don't have to have an illness, or be overweight to start eating healthier. When I eat healthy I notice that I have a better attitude, I am more alert and happy about going on with my day.

                    Healthy is NOT eating junk food.
                
                    Healthy is NOT overeating.

                    Healthy is NOT under-eating.

                    Healthy is NOT fad dieting.

             Healthy is eating fresh produce, more cooking instead of buying, eating less of packaged foods. Also eating healthy is not suppose to be stressful,yes,  it is easier to go to McDonalds and order a Big Mac but if you went home and made some rice and beans doused with Tilapia fish and some vegetables on the side  or something that would be more satisfying and make you feel less sluggish at the end of the day.

     Anyway, this info is not new to anyone. Everyone knows you have to eat healthy because when you do it shows, from physical traits like hair, and skin to confidence as well.You don't have to become a vegan, or exercise every single minute of the day, just start with a few vegetables a day and go from there. I don't really go on a lot of  healthy sites honestly, but here is the top two that win first place in my heart!

Heyfranhey.com- Franchesca is the real deal when it comes to being healthy. Her website is full of How-to's on healthy dishes, exercising, and natural beauty remedies. However, she does show more of a  vegan-strict diet when giving out recipes which, trust me, isn't always easy to follow. Nevertheless, when reading her blog you get a sense that she really wants to help you, as she was in a similar state of being unhealthy and curing her kidney dialysis with eating more organic foods.

Greatist.com- This site is great for when you are starving from a disastrously long day and you find yourself screaming at the fridge for betraying you. This site makes you apologize to that fridge, so you can make some easy but satisfying healthy meals. The site also provides meat, vegetarian, and vegan meals to satisfy your appetite. It also has fitness tutorials that range from cardio to yoga!

Getting Help!

                                        
            This is not a PSA for depression...unless you want it to be.
         
         Wow! We're a week into the new year, and that usually means that people are working on their
 resolutions (if they haven't already). Mine is obviously talking to more people this year, but I think this  a year to work on yourself. Whether you want to get healthy, learn a skill, change careers, get a career, more friends, whatever!

    Sometimes those things can't be done on our own, therefore it is always great to seek help when you need it. I was severly depressed for a large amount of time, and when I finally had a break down that almost cost me my college career I knew that I couldn't battle this out on my own. I went through four psychologists to  until I finally found the right one to help me with my problems, but when you find the right one it is well worth it. It doesn't need to be a psychologist, but can be a friend, a relative, a teacher, a blog--whatever!

   I know I am sounding like a corny school guidance counselor, but sometimes we take on a lot of stress or try something that we have no idea how to do! Then we let our egos tell us that we don't need help and, for someone who likes to be independent like myself, it's hard to hear that we need an extra hand. If you still don't have a new year's resolution vow that you will do your hardest to make a better life for yourself, even if it's changing old habits.  Even if at the end of the year things don't go as plan (because sometimes they don't) you will know that you did something different than the year before and that's all that matters.

 

Here's some motivation from Iyanla Vanzant!