100% | #30Layers30Days:Day 4

    Today's writing challenge is writing about an area where you don't feel you are showing,or putting in 100% . To answer this, I would respond with being assertive. This effects my relationships and roles in life.I still have passion and dreams  that I want to achieve, however, I am not being assertive in what  I want from myself and others as well.

    I had my first internship this summer at a reality TV production company. It was a lot more fun and laid back than I expected. At the end of the internship, after I said my byes, and my exit interview was conducted I spoke to one of my supervisors. She told me that the main advice she had for me was to be more assertive , and in this industry you need to be.  I wasn't surprised that was her advice, because I am quiet and soft-spoken. However, it stuck to me , because it was something I wanted to improve for a long time.

    Sometimes, I feel that if I become assertive to others I will hurt their feelings or strain relationships. But what I have come to learn this past month, is that if you do not become assertive not in what you say, but in your actions then you may not be taken seriously as you would like.

     As for myself, I think I can be harsh on myself with thought, but I won't sometimes take the necessary actions to improve my situations. I suddenly become laid-back and  a self-doubter. I'm learning now that assertiveness does not have to be as harsh as aggressiveness. There's no need for a stank attitude, but I should demand more for myself. I can learn to surprise people,and tell them no. Just need to tell myself to work harder and push my self so that I won't slip and fall.

      I want to be able to show the world, what this shy, quiet girl can do when she sets her mind to it. To be assertive is to also know my information, and to know what it is  I'm talking about, but I've seen confident people ramble on about things they know nothing about--anyway now I'm rambling lol!  I hope I've made my point!

Quote of the Day:
“To be great, be whole;
Exclude nothing, exaggerate nothing that is not you.
Be whole in everything. Put all you are
Into the smallest thing you do.
So, in each lake, the moon shines with splendor
Because it blooms up above.” 
― Fernando Pessoa, Poems of Fernando Pessoa




There you have it! I finished the fourth day of the 30 day challenge whoop, whoop! If you want to sign up, sign up here.  

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FAVORITE MISTAKE | #30Layers30Days: Day 3

My favorite mistake, is when I learned that I was emitting bad energy to my life. I looked back into a car accident I had years ago.It was my first car and my first year of college in a different  state. A cop had smashed into me, and losing control of the vehicle I smashed into a house. Luckily, I was alive and left unscathed. My witnesses proclaimed that I was a good driver, but I really  knew someone above was watching me that day.

    I couldn't believe this was happening to me. "I'm a good person!" I thought to my self, ''why do bad things keep happening to me?" It was a mixture of feeling thankful and yet angry at the situation. Fast-forward to years later I realized that I caused the crash,

   I read Iyanla Vanzant's book..... It helped me realize that I was the one emitting negative energy and with that negative things would happen. They also talk about this in The Secret as well. During that time, i was heavily depressed, I hated my new school, I felt alone, defeated, and unsure of my future...if there was a future. I hated everyone, and thta hate grew as I walked on campus.That energy I felt towards everyone and soon myself was what probably caused the crash.

Of course, it was the police officer's fault who hit me. But if I had exuded more positivity and not hatred, my life would reflect that as well. So now , I've learned and it is one of the most important lessons I try to take with me everyday.

Quote of the Day:
“You are essentially who you create yourself to be and all that occurs in your life is the result of your own making.” 
― Stephen Richards, Think Your way to Success: Let Your Dreams Run Free



There you have it! I finished the third day of the 30 day challenge whoop, whoop! If you want to sign up, sign up here.

JOY SNATCHERS / #30Layers30Days:Day 2

    This post is kind of late. School is no joke, but I am determined to keep writing. Today's post is about joy snatchers. I have had my share of joy snatchers in the past and the present. Those joy snatchers just leave a deep, smelly hole inside of you. Unfortunately, I've found out that some joy snatchers are deeper than others.

    Recently bill collecters and the lack of money have become joy snatchers.  I'm at the age still figuring out what I want to do with my life, looking for jobs while juggling school plus extracurricular activities, and right now the career that brings me the best salary is what motivates me . Before, it was finding my passion and doing that as career but it's becoming less than likely as I  become an adult. 

   Another joy snatcher is my comparison to others. I compare my weight, my looks, my friends, my career choices, relationships to others around me almost subconsciously. It does nothing but dig the hole deeper to where gnats and creepy crawlers can gnaw away as  my joy detoriates.

   However, the number one joy snatcher that definetly triumphs all is self-doubt. Whenever I try to think of hope or optimism, my past reminds me of my struggles and laughs at my efforts of bringing myself back up. I don't know if this happens to other people but sometimes it just creeps up unwanted, and I have to snap out of it. However, the good thing about me is that hope continues to glimmer through the hole.

   The things I can do to minimize its influnce is read motivational books (right now I am reading The Four Agreements ), take time for myself, surround myself with positive influences, write daily gratitudes, and immediately change my negative thoughts to positive ones.

   Mostly, however, I need to put more effort. I need to push myself, not just say but do. So that maybe next year at this time self-doubt will no longer be a factor. So, yes, I believe that I have the power to eliminate my joy snatchers and eventually the hole inside will be completely filled back up.



Quote of The Day:

“Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened.”
― Dr. Seuss





There you have it! I finished the second day of the 30 day challenge whoop, whoop! If you want to sign up, sign up here.


P.S- This is my 50th post yay! *busts open a bottle of champagne*

START.STOP.CONTINUE | #30Layer30Days: Day 1

  Hello everyone, this month is going to be special. I am just starting school again, and it is also sickle cell awareness month! My organization GSCW will be doing fun things this month to bring a much needed awareness for sickle cell! Also this month is GG Renee (of All the Many Layers)'s  30 Layers 30 Days challenge. I signed up for this challenges, because I love challenges and this challenge will help me through self discovery and renewal. So without further ado, here is the first prompt:


START
I want to start taking myself seriously. I want to start  communicating better. I am not sure why, but the last few months I have been cutting people off unintentionally. I have let my sadness stop me from doing things that I love or keep me from trying harder at making myself happy. I want to start determination, and start vlogging, and blogging again, you know, doing things that I enjoy again. To start taking care of my health mentally and physically and really focus on becoming a better me, and believing in myself. I want more love, more happiness, to start dating and hanging out with friends again. The baby step  I can start is checking off the list of tasks, and telling myself I can do it. I want to start my journey and never stop or put it on hold again.

STOP
There needs to be a definite stop in my procrastination. To stop thinking and saying negative thoughts about myself, or anyone. To stop expecting too much from friends and family. What I am tolerating or feeding off of is my lack of energy and drive. I think that I also need to stop wasting time and money that doesn't help me to achieve my goals, but instead hurts me in the end.

CONTINUE
To dream, and dream big, and not let anyone deter me from my dreams. To show off my talents and continue letting people know what I can and will do. I  can  also continue being nice when people test me, haha! But on a serious note, I think that I should continue to follow my goals, and to inspire myself and others as well.

Quote of the Day-
"A bridge of silver wings stretches from the dead ashes of an unforgiving nightmare
to the jeweled vision of a life started anew.” 
― Aberjhani, Journey through the Power of the Rainbow: Quotations from a Life Made Out of Poetry

There you have it! I finished the first day of the 30 day challenge whoop, whoop! If you want to sign up, sign up here.

To Be At Peace!

      I haven't written in a while, I tend to think I don't have time to write, but then I end up using my time pondering instead of doing. Then I realize writing is what  gets me through the tough times,  an sometimes where I just sit and stare at the obstruction going on in the world.

      My heart is heavy, as most know a lot is going on in this country whether one cares to know or not. Along with that, I am dealing with issues internally. I have to face my mistakes, and figure out where I will be heading from now. In the midst of the chaos, I am searching for peace. I am searching for  ways to deal with my problems and THE problems that are affecting most of us right now.

   Right now I am writing,it is important to take time out of the day and do something that you love, or that takes your mind off of nagging thoughts and persistent issues.

Eating, when I eat I am at peace. I am thinking of chocolate,potato chips,and pasta. I am thinking of FunYuns specifically,because when I eat  those round,salty snacks it reminds me of my childhood, and tastes like naivety. Most childhood snacks are not healthy, but everyone should relive their childhood once in a while (that's if it was good of course).

I pray, or try to think good thoughts. I may have said this before, but I'll say it again. I once asked my older Ivy League graduated cousin what she does when she is in distress and she simply stated,"I just pray". I think prayer gives people hope. I think it gives something to believe in. However, if you refuse to believe in any God, then think good thoughts and maybe it will good energy into the world.

Naomi

Find someone or something you trust, who you find loyal. Right now, I can't find that person.It's hard for me to trust one single person, it's hard for me to pour out everything and strip myself bare . So I have a dog. Her name is Naomi, and she gives me peace by simply being and doing what dogs do: be loyal. If I didn't have a dog, I would look up motivational speakers online, evangelists.,or just read something inspiring enough to trust.

Take action,eventually. To stop chaos action must be taken. When chaos starts, you know that procrastination must stop and that  the time to do something is now! This is the one  part I have been having a hard time accomplishing , but eventually I know that I will take the courage and the will to change what needs to be changed.

 


 I would love to hear what makes you at peace. So maybe, I can add it to my list.

I'm Black And Can't Dance

  I cannot dance, and I am black! I am black and cannot dance. I realized this phenomenon when I was much younger. After watching Beyonce's "Crazy In Love" music video I tried very much so to do the "Uh Oh" dance. While Beyonce and her dancer's looked like fierce energizer bunnies, I looked like I was trying to fight off a seizure. Fast forward to my eighth grade farewell dance and  I, along with another person of color who could not dance, leaned back against the wall while I watched my peers grinding and freaking on each other ( yeah the supervisors did not do their job). While taking breaks from watching what looked like a music video on 106& Park, I ate some cotton candy, some  ice cones chatted with some friends  but the distraction was still lingering.

   Why can't I just dance? This eighth grade farewell dance is a once in a lifetime opportunity to dance and have fun with my eighth grade friends . I felt alone, shy and awkward. Suddenly, I threw away my ice cone ( in a recyclable trash can), and marched right onto the dance floor. There was just a crowd of overly hype, sweaty kids and I made my way through them. I stopped and told myself that I will just dance for ten seconds just to say that I actually danced at my eighth grade farewell dance. So I did it, I danced like a beheaded chicken, and once the ten seconds was over I looked up to see if anyone was watching. I looked at one side of the room and mostly people were still dancing and grinding on each other *phew*! I look at the other side of the room and there was this one girl just staring at me, and smiling mischievously like"haha girl! I saw that!"

  Now in present time I still can't dance, I've gotten a little better, but I prefer to dance when I'm in my room by myself. However, if I get invited to a club I'm going to dance even if I look stupid. Why? Because dancing is just about feeling the music and having fun. You don't have to be a trained dancer or even have some moves to dance. Just dance to the beat as they say! In retrospect if you're dancing in public you're probably not the only one who can't dance, and most people aren't paying attention to you dancing like that, they're too busy having fun. So, there is nothing wrong with not knowing how to dance, even if your black. But if it still bothers you, you can always take classes. So have a  Happy National Dance Day to all my awkward dancers!

A Little Inspiration: Just Do You!

     “I want to do it all!” I declare to myself while taking a dump in the toilet (sorry, was that too much for you?) I want to blog, I want to vlog, I want to make films, I want to… I want to learn computer coding? Yes, computer coding! You see I have a lot of plans for myself, it may look like I am a confused twenty-something who doesn’t know what she wants but what’s wrong with that? Tyler Perry once said, “Put all of your energy into watering one area. If you spread the water across many, many seeds you don’t have as much water for one seed. So focus on one thing, make it your priority and stick with it no matter what.” Well then why do people garden, Perry? Why have one beautiful flower when you can have a garden full of azaleas, some petunias, daisies, hell, throw some basil in there as well. The more I do what I want and learn different tasks, the more I learn about myself and abilities. 

    You see, I’ve always had a problem picking just one thing to do. I mean, choosing just one major in college for example. If I had more time  I would have double-majored, can you triple-major? I fall in love with anything that fuels my soul. Anything that fizzles out my procrastination and self-doubt, and renews that spark for life is what I crave for.

   

     I realize that wanting to do many things at once can becomes daunting. However, humans are multi-faceted, so it makes sense that most would have many different passions in life. If you are a lawyer, but you want to create a fashion blog then why not have a stab at it? A screenwriter, who wants to create a game app? Okay, then! Take classes, go back to school, reach out to experts. Do whatever it takes.

   

   Only problem is what happens when the spark seems to dim? When it seems that your passion becomes work, I mean work that you have been too scared to look in the eyes. What happens when your supervisor makes fun of your soft-spoken voice in front of your coworkers? Does that mean you should reconsider making YouTube videos? Or when that big creative script idea you need to become a big hit hasn’t come through yet? Or when you don’t seem to have a lot of followers on a blog you’ve been working on for years? What happens then? Do you stop? Hell no! Wake up! Hard work  just doesn’t happen the old Disney Cinderella way that most of us were taught, but that’s okay because it’s much more fun that way.

  

  My dream is to inspire the self-doubters, the naysayers that dreams do come true. I want people to look at me and say, “If this ordinary girl can do it, so can I.” So what if you have a million ideas, and no one believes in you. At least you believe, and that’s all you need to make your first step. Now, I’m just getting started in this process but when I’m done I’ll let you know how it all turned out.